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Decoding You

Sexual Health

Sexual Desire

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire

Spontaneous

Responsive

Spontaneous Desire 

  • May emerge on its own

  • Can develop quickly or suddenly 

  • The desire for sex may precede physical arousal

Responsive Desire 

  • Sexual desire emerges in response to sexually relevant context

  • May feel like it takes a bit longer to develop

  • Physical arousal may precede interest in sex 

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Responsive

Spontaneous

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Examples: 

Folks who experience spontaneous desire may see someone in public that they feel attraction towards and then quickly feel sexual desire. 

 

Folks who experience responsive desire may be receiving gentle physical touch from a partner and begin to feel pleasure in their body which they respond to the experience followed by sexual desire.

Sexual Response Cycles & Desire Takeaways

The situation and environment of a sexual encounter and a person’s state of mind may be the most important parts of the sexual response cycle!

  • Orgasm is not essential for sex to be pleasurable. We know some people are still wrapping their heads around this...that's okay. ​Decentering the focus on orgasms can support the overall pleasure, presence, and joy of sex. 

  • Different folks experience desire in different ways, there is no “correct” way and one is not better than the other.

  • Everyone has their own sensitivities (Gas and Brakes) surrounding their personal sexual desire. 

  • Folks can also experience both spontaneous and responsive desire.

  • It is important to know about your own sexual desire and to communicate with partners.

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Me: Can't you read
my every thought?

Partner:

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